I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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