I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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