today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
