I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
