my mouth tastes like poor choices
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
