I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
