my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
