You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
