I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
