i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
