One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
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Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
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Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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