Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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