can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
