girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
