My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
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