@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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