You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
