Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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