jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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