i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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