I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
now i know why i became what i already was.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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