were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
this beer tastes like vomit already
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
