She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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