Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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