There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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