She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
