It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
