I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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