I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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