Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
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Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
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I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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