4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
