i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
