I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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