Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
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I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
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It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize