Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
