I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize