She's JV to your varsity
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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