she woke up with a sticky ear
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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