I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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