So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize