Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Barsexuality is the new black.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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