my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
