I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
