Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Randomize
