Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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