Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
