Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't notice because vodka
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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