are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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