His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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