I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize