Pappa wants mamma naked
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Randomize
