Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
My underwear smells like fireworks.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
