dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
