his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Randomize
