You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
