I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
