I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
