I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
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If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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