Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
