I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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