my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
