he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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