I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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