i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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