Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
