her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
