grandma shit on top of the toilet
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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